SELF-CRITICISM
THE TWO OF ME
Whenever I fail, or say something wrong,
Eat too much or spill some tea,
I immediately feel the pressure inside,
I get embarrassed and get mad — at me.
“You have to get off your own back,”
Said my good friend, Marie.
And thus I learned why I felt so heavy,
I’ve been carrying the two of me.
Liliana Kohann
©Artpeace 2002
Replacing the Inner Critic with a Constructive Coach
As a master of self-blaming, I often put myself down without even realizing it. When a friend told me, "You need to get off your own back," I suddenly visualized the image you see above—and that’s when I drew it. Inspired by this visual, I wrote the little poem that accompanies it. In creating this, I felt a significant shift happening in my mind.
I began to recognize that the demanding, inconsiderate critic in my head wasn’t really me—it was a voice shaped by external influences, not my true self. While the common advice is to simply ignore that negative voice, I knew that wasn’t a long-term solution. Ignoring strong images, statements, or feelings within us only delays healing. Instead, I saw this as one of those LILA moments—a gift and a compass pointing me toward growth and freedom.
With time and effort, I began to replace the harsh voice of the Inner Critic with two new voices: a Constructive Coach and a Good and Fair Judge. Slowly, I stopped calling myself “an idiot” for forgetting the tennis racquet or for allowing someone to take advantage of me. Instead, I started offering myself helpful and compassionate alternatives.
The Voice of the Critic:
"Gosh, Liliana, you can’t find your son’s racquet. You misplaced it, and now you’re wasting so much time trying to locate it. You’re so scattered!"
The Constructive Coach:
"Liliana, what do you need right now to help you find this racquet? Later, you can figure out what happened and how to prevent it in the future."
The Good and Fair Judge:
"Liliana, first of all, it’s not a fact that you misplaced the racquet. Your son might have put it in the wrong place. Second, you are NOT scattered. More likely, you’re overwhelmed—trying to do the job of five people to take care of everyone around you. And you do it because you’re an amazing mother!"
When I do this kind of work on myself, I often end up with chills. Self-discovery is such a fulfilling process. We only have one life, and it’s deeply rewarding to channel my energy into becoming a better person—into making things better.
Of course, that inner critic still shows up from time to time. It climbs onto my shoulders, screaming insults, trying to weigh me down. But now I understand it. I can embrace it, work with it, and gradually replace its self-deprecating voice with one of kindness and understanding. The funny drawing of the critic sitting on my back helps me add lightness to this process. It’s almost like a game now—a creative way to practice self-love and improvement. That critic, in a strange way, has become my coach, giving me opportunities to grow.
As a master of self-blaming, I often put myself down without even realizing it. When a friend told me, "You need to get off your own back," I suddenly visualized the image you see above—and that’s when I drew it. Inspired by this visual, I wrote the little poem that accompanies it. In creating this, I felt a significant shift happening in my mind.
I began to recognize that the demanding, inconsiderate critic in my head wasn’t really me—it was a voice shaped by external influences, not my true self. While the common advice is to simply ignore that negative voice, I knew that wasn’t a long-term solution. Ignoring strong images, statements, or feelings within us only delays healing. Instead, I saw this as one of those LILA moments—a gift and a compass pointing me toward growth and freedom.
With time and effort, I began to replace the harsh voice of the Inner Critic with two new voices: a Constructive Coach and a Good and Fair Judge. Slowly, I stopped calling myself “an idiot” for forgetting the tennis racquet or for allowing someone to take advantage of me. Instead, I started offering myself helpful and compassionate alternatives.
The Voice of the Critic:
"Gosh, Liliana, you can’t find your son’s racquet. You misplaced it, and now you’re wasting so much time trying to locate it. You’re so scattered!"
The Constructive Coach:
"Liliana, what do you need right now to help you find this racquet? Later, you can figure out what happened and how to prevent it in the future."
The Good and Fair Judge:
"Liliana, first of all, it’s not a fact that you misplaced the racquet. Your son might have put it in the wrong place. Second, you are NOT scattered. More likely, you’re overwhelmed—trying to do the job of five people to take care of everyone around you. And you do it because you’re an amazing mother!"
When I do this kind of work on myself, I often end up with chills. Self-discovery is such a fulfilling process. We only have one life, and it’s deeply rewarding to channel my energy into becoming a better person—into making things better.
Of course, that inner critic still shows up from time to time. It climbs onto my shoulders, screaming insults, trying to weigh me down. But now I understand it. I can embrace it, work with it, and gradually replace its self-deprecating voice with one of kindness and understanding. The funny drawing of the critic sitting on my back helps me add lightness to this process. It’s almost like a game now—a creative way to practice self-love and improvement. That critic, in a strange way, has become my coach, giving me opportunities to grow.
Let’s Lighten the Load Together
We all know the saying: We are our own worst enemies. But it’s time to change that. Let’s work on getting ourselves off our own backs and use these Healing Poems as a tool for transformation. Let’s focus on love, on feeling what we need to feel, on facing what we need to face, and on rebuilding our lives in alignment with our own expectations. Maybe then, the load we carry will feel so much lighter.
We all know the saying: We are our own worst enemies. But it’s time to change that. Let’s work on getting ourselves off our own backs and use these Healing Poems as a tool for transformation. Let’s focus on love, on feeling what we need to feel, on facing what we need to face, and on rebuilding our lives in alignment with our own expectations. Maybe then, the load we carry will feel so much lighter.
*LILA is my abbreviated name in Polish. That's what everybody called me when I was a child. When I went to college, people started calling me by my full name, Liliana. My family in Poland and some friends still call me Lila.
But in Eastern philosophy, the word LILA also has another meaning:
LILA is a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as the outcome of creative play by the divine absolute. LILA is comparable to the Western theological position of Pandeism, which describes the Universe as God taking a physical form in order to experience the interplay between the elements of the Universe.
